im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
