you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
