OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
