How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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