My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
