Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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