her vagine was all disorganized.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
