The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
