I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
