I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just high enough for therapy.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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