weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize