It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize