My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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