My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
