i jhust puked up my retainher.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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