Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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