there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
