; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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