Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize