I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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