standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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