he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
