Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
