guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
