apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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