Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We need to get me chipped asap
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Dear god my vagina.
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