just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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