I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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