hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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