You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize