i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I want her autograph on my taint
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
