I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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