How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
40s are totally the cure
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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