If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
