my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
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