why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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