that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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