I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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