I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
