We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
