seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
