omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
