If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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