My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize