I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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