Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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