The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
