i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
