We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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