I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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