Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize