I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
