Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
