It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just want to make out with him forever
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
