No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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