I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize