Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He passed out mid-signature
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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