I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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