Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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