clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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