you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
