I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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