Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize