I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
