maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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