6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You are the jesus of drinking
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
