the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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