Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
