I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
