I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
