He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
