TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize