Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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