i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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