did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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