How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
