dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
