So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
my liver is dry heaving
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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