worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
