he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My ass is underappreciated
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize