It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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