so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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