you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
