I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
