I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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