Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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