I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
