Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
