Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
