After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just invented taco cereal.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
