All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
