I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
