new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
