i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
