I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
