i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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