how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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