Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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