I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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