I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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