just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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