Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
