Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
