oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
