So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
