We won't sleep together?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
