I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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