whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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