My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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