Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
