This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
