just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize