Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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