Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
